Screen Time

The Coen Brothers’ (”The Big Lebowski,” “Fargo”) critically acclaimed new thriller “No Country for Old Men” is finally screening in the RGV.

This is one of the best-reviewed movies of the year (click here to read what the critics are sayin’), and I can’t wait to see it. Actually, I’m planning on catching it tonight after work. Expect a review soon.

This is a nice surprise. I wasn’t looking forward to catching any of the new movies coming out this week. Click here for RGV showtimes and check the high-res “No Country” trailer here.

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Poster image courtesy Miramax Films

I was kicking myself for not catching “Beowulf” in 3-D as soon as the movie’s titles started flowing across the screen. The Cinemark in my hometown of Brownsville wasn’t offering the 3-D experience director Robert Zemeckis had in mind when creating this animated take on the ancient long-form poem. It’s too bad, since the 3-D gimmick probably would have made this awkward and unlikeable movie worth watching.

Unlike the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy or even the “Harry Potter” flicks, little in “Beowulf” is thrilling, visually arresting or awe inspiring. The filmmakers’ take on the mostly shapeless classic story is dull, one-note and sometimes laughable. The animation and art design is unremarkable and often ugly, especially when the human characters look and move like dead, manipulated meat puppets. There are two scenes — only two — that I found potentially engrossing and fun to look at, but that’s a sad tally for a movie marketed as a rousing holiday spectacle.

“Beowulf” opens in King Hrothgar’s (Anthony Hopkins) mead hall with the king and his knights doing an Anglo-Saxon take on “Caligula.” It’s a gross display, with the vulgar animated knights slobbering all over themselves and a Hrothgar so drunk and undiginified that he doesn’t care if his robe slips off to reveal little Hrothgar in front of everybody. These characters never become sympathetic or interesting at any point in the movie’s 113-minutes.

Eventually, the monster Grendel bursts in and kills most of these guys and the “hero” Beowulf later answers Hrothgar’s call to kill the monster. The mistake made is that Zemeckis’ Beowulf, along with most of the other human characters in this thing, is about as heroic and likeable as a boasting jock or an obnoxious brute. Instead of turning the classic character into a classic pop hero, Zemeckis and crew (including writers Neil Gaiman and Roger Avery) deliver a boring braggart no one can relate to. Ray Winstone’s voice acting is fine — and loud — but this movie had me rooting for Grendel not Beowulf.

The monster Grendel’s design is too overcooked to be appreciated, but the script turns him into a sympathetic character here, and Crispin Glover’s performance had me wanting to see more of him. Too bad he’s snuffed in an early scene that’ll be remembered, more than anything else, for a ridiculous game of hide-the-exposed genitals, ala Austin Powers.

In a lazy attempt to unify the original text’s disconnected halves, the movie grossly diverges from the poem and goes on to further kill the idea of Beowulf as a hero, leaving the audience with no one to root for and little to invest in. I won’t give away the details here, but what happens after Beowulf meets Grendel’s mother (Angelina Jolie) really sinks this thing.

“Beowulf” seems less concerned with telling a good story than it is with delivering cheap cartoon thrills and a kinda-sorta naked and spiked-heel sporting Angelina Jolie. The character close-ups look good, and the final action sequence is fun, but that’s not enough to recommend this half-baked movie. And don’t get me started on the music …

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Photos courtesy Paramount Pictures

Digging all the “Star Trek XI” news and Web leaks as much as I am? DVRing old episodes of “The Next Generation” and “Deep Space Nine” every week? Wondering what Winona Ryder would look like as a Vulcan? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you my friend are probably a die-hard “Star Trek” fan, and I got some good news for you …

The classic “Star Trek” episode “The Menagerie” will be shown in more than 300 theaters in the U.S. and Canada today and Thursday, November 15, including Cinemark Harlingen. Tonight’s Harlingen screening starts at 7:30 p.m. and Thursday will see two screenings, one at 7:30 p.m. and one at 10:30 p.m.

As most Trekkies or Trekkers know, “The Menagerie” is the episode when Spock and Captain Kirk meet up with former Enterprise captain Christopher Pike. This week’s screenings will feature a digitally remastered version of the two-part episode in High Definition and Cinema Surround Sound. The screening will promote next week’s HD-DVD release of the series.

Get more info on these special screenings here.

Vampires, detectives, drama and fart jokes. There’s something for almost everyone opening in local theaters this week (except for you, Wes Anderson fan. “The Darjeeling Limited” still aint showing here). Read on to find out what the critics are saying about this week’s new releases. Yep, it’s Critical Mass.

- ‘30 Days of Night’
Tomatometer 44%, Metascore 51
Based on the horror graphic novel, a pack of bloodthirsty, and kinda blue-colored, vampires feeds on the residents of a small Alaskan town during winter’s prolonged darkness. Ben Foster stars as a nutcase, Josh Hartnett is the hero and Sam “Spider-Man” Raimi is the producer. Sounds like fun, no? Maybe. The critics are pretty split, but most say this horror flick packs some cool thrills.

“Excels at bloodthirsty action. … Result is a mixed bag but has a catchy premise and quite enough splatter to satisfy gorehounds.” -Variety

“Makes you feel the cold and feel the fangs, but it also makes you feel like 30 days is a pretty long time.” -Chicago Tribune

“This is a full-on, non-stop horror film. You’re either on the bus or off the bus. But if you are on, you’re hanging on with both hands.” - Arizona Republic

- ‘Gone Baby Gone’
Tomatometer 91%, Metascore 72
Ben Affleck’s directorial debut about the mystery involving the abduction of a young girl is easily the best reviewed film this week. Ben’s brother Casey stars with Morgan Freeman, Ed Harris and many Boston locals who, the critics say, give the flick an authentic and gritty feel.

“The brothers Affleck both emerge triumphant in this mesmerizing thriller.” -Rolling Stone

“Affleck shows excellent instincts, not least of which is letting his brother, Casey, hold the center…” -Entertainment Weekly

“Mordant, melancholic but impressive debut for director Affleck.” - Hollywood Reporter

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Two big critic-proof movies opened today in local theaters. “The Seeker: The Dark is Rising” and “The Heartbreak Kid” are the kinds of movies - a kid-friendly fantasy and a star-studded romcom - that will probably find a large audience no matter what the critics say. And boy, do some critics hate these movies.

Read on to find out what some major critics are saying about this weekend’s new movies. It’s Critical Mass …

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It’s no secret that we miss out on tons of good first-run movies here in the Rio Grande Valley. It happens for lots of reasons - reasons that make sense to the suits who run distribution houses and theater chains. (I wrote about this before here).

Basically, those suits don’t think a small indie flick like “Rocket Science” or “Control” will sell many tickets beyond a major urban market, and they’re probably right. So, I’m not gonna moan about not being able to catch a little indie flick at my local Cinemark. Instead, I’ll wait the few weeks - or months - until the local Landmark chain screens it or it’s released on DVD. No big …

It’s a shame, though, that Valley movie lovers won’t be able to catch the well-received new movie by Sean Penn or the latest offering from popular filmmaker Wes Anderson upon their initial wide releases.

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It was looking like “Resident Evil: Extinction“ was gonna be the flick to catch this weekend, which doesn’t say a lot for the quality of the other movies opening today in local theaters. Then I noticed that David Cronenberg’s “Eastern Promises,“ which won the top prize at the Toronto International Film Festival, is screening at the Carmike in Edinburg. Looks like I’ll be driving to Edinburg this weekend.

Now, here’s a quick look at all of the movies opening in the Rio Grande Valley today. It’s Critical Mass:

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The initial TV ads for “3:10 to Yuma” didn’t appeal to me at all. Sure, I saw Christian Bale’s sharp mug and the reliable Russell Crowe staring back at me, yet I still wasn’t interested in the thing. Bale is one of my favorite actors and Crowe rarely turns in a drab performance, but I surely wasn’t going to be first in line to catch a lightly-hyped remake of a ’50s Western. The movie looked like something my granddad would enjoy but would leave me shifting in my seat. Then a few critics I respect starting tossing out words like “glorious,” “riveting” and “Oscar” when describing it. Then it hit number one at the box office on its first week out. Then I finally caught it on Saturday.

“3:10 to Yuma” is much, much more than the slow-burn exercise in genre those TV ads made it out to be. It’s an extremely compelling and well crafted tale loaded with powerful (not showy) performances, great action and soul to spare.

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It looks like a pretty bleak weekend for new movies, according to most major critics.

None of the big new flicks this week are impressing anybody, and one of them (“Dragon Wars”) wasn’t even screened for critics - which means it probably stinks, but who couldn’t tell that from the previews? “The Brave One” has most critics split, but they’re pretty unanimous in their disdain for “Mr. Woodcock.“

So, want some quick help deciding what to spend that $8 bucks on this weekend? Behold, Critical Mass …

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