Screen Time

I was kicking myself for not catching “Beowulf” in 3-D as soon as the movie’s titles started flowing across the screen. The Cinemark in my hometown of Brownsville wasn’t offering the 3-D experience director Robert Zemeckis had in mind when creating this animated take on the ancient long-form poem. It’s too bad, since the 3-D gimmick probably would have made this awkward and unlikeable movie worth watching.

Unlike the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy or even the “Harry Potter” flicks, little in “Beowulf” is thrilling, visually arresting or awe inspiring. The filmmakers’ take on the mostly shapeless classic story is dull, one-note and sometimes laughable. The animation and art design is unremarkable and often ugly, especially when the human characters look and move like dead, manipulated meat puppets. There are two scenes — only two — that I found potentially engrossing and fun to look at, but that’s a sad tally for a movie marketed as a rousing holiday spectacle.

“Beowulf” opens in King Hrothgar’s (Anthony Hopkins) mead hall with the king and his knights doing an Anglo-Saxon take on “Caligula.” It’s a gross display, with the vulgar animated knights slobbering all over themselves and a Hrothgar so drunk and undiginified that he doesn’t care if his robe slips off to reveal little Hrothgar in front of everybody. These characters never become sympathetic or interesting at any point in the movie’s 113-minutes.

Eventually, the monster Grendel bursts in and kills most of these guys and the “hero” Beowulf later answers Hrothgar’s call to kill the monster. The mistake made is that Zemeckis’ Beowulf, along with most of the other human characters in this thing, is about as heroic and likeable as a boasting jock or an obnoxious brute. Instead of turning the classic character into a classic pop hero, Zemeckis and crew (including writers Neil Gaiman and Roger Avery) deliver a boring braggart no one can relate to. Ray Winstone’s voice acting is fine — and loud — but this movie had me rooting for Grendel not Beowulf.

The monster Grendel’s design is too overcooked to be appreciated, but the script turns him into a sympathetic character here, and Crispin Glover’s performance had me wanting to see more of him. Too bad he’s snuffed in an early scene that’ll be remembered, more than anything else, for a ridiculous game of hide-the-exposed genitals, ala Austin Powers.

In a lazy attempt to unify the original text’s disconnected halves, the movie grossly diverges from the poem and goes on to further kill the idea of Beowulf as a hero, leaving the audience with no one to root for and little to invest in. I won’t give away the details here, but what happens after Beowulf meets Grendel’s mother (Angelina Jolie) really sinks this thing.

“Beowulf” seems less concerned with telling a good story than it is with delivering cheap cartoon thrills and a kinda-sorta naked and spiked-heel sporting Angelina Jolie. The character close-ups look good, and the final action sequence is fun, but that’s not enough to recommend this half-baked movie. And don’t get me started on the music …

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Photos courtesy Paramount Pictures

“Day Watch,“ the sequel to the thrilling 2004 Russian supernatural action flick “Night Watch,” will probably confuse fans of the original movie and alienate everyone else. That being said — er typed — director Timur Bekmambetov’s follow-up to his critically acclaimed hit is a fun, fast-paced and often inspired piece of pop moviemaking. The flick is far from perfect though, and it somehow feels a lot more hollow that its groundbreaking predecessor.

“Day Watch” had a limited theatrical run in the U.S., but fans can now catch it on a single-disc unrated DVD with an awkward commentary by Bekmambetov and a “making of” featurette.

Let’s talk visuals … It’s an understatement to call “Day Watch” a marvelous creative technical achievement. Bekmambetov and crew almost outdo themselves with some stunning visuals, CG and camera work here. “Day Watch” impresses not only with its incredibly implausible but mind-blowing action scenes but also with its gritty visual take on urban Moscow. Like “Night Watch,” the filmmakers again successfully sell the idea that a supernatural world full of super-powered beings exists alongside our own. Still, some things are off here. Unlike “Night Watch,” the subtitles on this unrated DVD, unfortunately, aren’t artfully weaved into the movie. They just sit there at the bottom of the screen and do their job instead of floating around and becoming part of the action. It’s a minor complaint, but I was really disappointed as I’m sure most American fans will be.

Let’s talk story … We drop in on Anton, the hero of “Night Watch,” presumably years after the events of the first movie. He’s still our focus point in this odd world where Light (good) and Dark (bad) “Others,” or supernatural beings, live on Earth and police each other with bureaucratic rules based on an ages-old treaty. Things go wonky when Anton’s bratty preteen son, who became a Dark Other in the first movie, fires the first salvo of a supernatural war.

From then, the plot takes some fun and unexpected comic turns and moves along at light speed. Still, this second story in a proposed trilogy feels too much like a middle movie. “Night Watch” did a great job of introducing us into this strange world. “Day Watch” just shows us more of it, and it’s hard to grasp some important plot details and character motivations in one sitting. The story doesn’t really pull you in like it should, and that undercuts what could have been a astonishing surprise ending.

American audiences will most likely miss a lot of what makes this movie special, like a creative title sequence that parodies well-known Russian corporate logos and cameos by famous Russian sci-fi writers and genre actors. “Day Watch” is strictly for fans only. For maximum viewing pleasure, I recommend screening it as part of a double feature with “Night Watch.”

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Photos courtesy Fox Searchlight

Yahoo! Movies has posted 11 amazing-looking clips from Robert Zemeckis‘ upcoming animated “Beowulf,” including this one featuring ol’ Beowulf battling some intense sea creatures.

I wasn’t too interested in this flick when I saw the first few “Beowulf” teasers and trailers that popped up online a few months ago, but now I’m sold. The detail work on the characters’ faces and the bold colors and imaginative designs of the monsters look great. I can’t wait to see them on the big screen, and I’m sure Zemeckis’ effects team will be buying some tuxes for Oscar night come March. (Too bad we don’t have any IMax 3D theaters nearby.)

Some early reviews are hinting that the “Beowulf” writing team of author/graphic novelist Neil Gaiman and screenwriter Roger Avary (Quentin Tarantino’s “Pulp Fiction” collaborator) might take home a few awards for solving the original text’s structural problems.

So, “Beowulf” reportedly delivers cool and artful “performance capture” visuals and a good story? I was expecting “The Polar Express” with swords and bare abs. This one looks like fun.

“Beowulf” opens Friday, Nov. 16
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Photo courtesy Paramount Pictures

Trying to get the facts straight about the proposed Justice League movie is like trying to give Superman a noogie. It’s hard. Really hard. And minus some kryptonite knuckles, it aint gonna happen anytime soon. That’s why I haven’t been posting about every JL rumor - and there have been tons - that hits the Web here.

So far, a number of online reports state that “Happy Feet” director George Miller will direct the upcoming ensemble superhero flick. From there the questions only multiply, and I haven’t heard any real answers from Warner Bros., the studio reportedly committed to the project.

So far, a number of young actors have been screen tested for the thing, but it’s still unclear whether this will be a live action movie, a complete CGI fest, or a combination of the two, like “300.” Also, will this movie diverge from the current “Superman Returns” and “Batman Begins” franchises? Is the short, blond and very un-Amazonian Teresa Palmer going to play Wonder Woman? Does the script feature a violent showdown between Superman and Batman? … Like I said, the questions go on and on.

Here’s from The Hollywood Reporter’s latest report about the casting process:

Miller is seeing about four or five actors for the parts of Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, Flash, Aquaman, Green Lantern and the Martian Manhunter, with a few overlaps …

On the roll call are Adam Brody (Fox’s “The O.C.”), Joseph Cross (”Running With Scissors”), D.J. Cotrona (”Windfall”), Mary Elizabeth Winstead (”Grindhouse”), Michael Angarano (”Sky High”), Teresa Palmer (”Wolf Creek”), Max Thieriot (”Jumper”) and rapper Common.

The cast of NBC’s “Friday Night Lights” is well-represented as well, with Minka Kelly, Adrianne Palicki and Scott Porter also among those testing for parts.

So, a teeny bopper Justice League? I really hope it’s a cartoon.
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Photo courtesy Cartoon Network

Like action-packed, post-apocalyptic vampire movies? Then Dec. 14 is your day. That’s when “I Am Legend” hits theaters nationwide. A brand new trailer for the upcoming Will Smith flick just popped up on the Web and it features a lot more action scenes and special effects than the original teaser trailers. Watch it here.

I’m a fan of the classic horror novella by Richard Matheson, on which the movie is based, but it looks like this movie will diverge a lot from the book, which I guess had to happen. The book was really about the hero’s isolation and internal struggle. This new movie looks like it’s more about Will Smith’s struggle to be defined as an action star. Still, I have hope.
It can’t be any worse than 1964’s “The Last Man on Earth” can it? Plus, the CG vampires don’t look too bad. I’ll be at the theater Dec. 14.
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Photo courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures

Two big critic-proof movies opened today in local theaters. “The Seeker: The Dark is Rising” and “The Heartbreak Kid” are the kinds of movies - a kid-friendly fantasy and a star-studded romcom - that will probably find a large audience no matter what the critics say. And boy, do some critics hate these movies.

Read on to find out what some major critics are saying about this weekend’s new movies. It’s Critical Mass …

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