Michael Bay’s fun but bloated epic “Transformers” hits stores today in a single-disc DVD, a two-disc DVD set and a high-definition HD-DVD version. Did they include bonus features? You betcha. There’s tons of ‘em on the two-discer, including featurettes about the Autobots and Decepticons backstory and the movie’s special effects.
Great, but I think the good people at Paramount missed an opportunity to include the ultimate special feature on the two-discer, 1986’s animated “Transformers: The Movie.”
Was Paramount afraid to include the two films in the same package? Did they figure that Bay’s flick would pale in comparison to the 1986 Sony Wonder Video classic? Well, of course not. They just didn’t care to do it. But what do you think, die-hard Transformers fan? Is the 1986 version better, or at least more fun, than Bay’s CG crunch fest? In the interest of serious scientific debate, cultural progress and killing time, let’s compare ‘em.
Action:
2007: That 30-minute blast of mindless urban destruction that ends the movie is almost worth the ticket and DVD price alone, but the flick takes way too long to get there. Plus, all the short bursts of action before it are cut in between long stretches of characters just standing around or, worse, trying to be funny. The special effects are amazing though.
1986: This one is all action all the time. The thing opens with the brutal killing of a bunch of beloved characters and the fighting never seems to stop. If the Autobots aren’t battling the Decepticons, they’re racing each other, blasting other alien robots or flying through outer space. Of course, it’s all animated in that flat, ’80s, you-gotta-be-pushing-30-to-love-it style.
Winner: Tie
Drama:
2007: Shia Labeouf tries to get it on with Megan Fox and seems to have a disturbing relationship with his pet Chihuahua. That’s about it. Oh, and there’s something about a “cube” or “all-spark” (they never stick to one name) that’s gotta be found to save humanity. The drama gets bonus points here since everything Peter Cullen (Optimus Prime) says sounds awe-inspiring.
1986: This movie is almost too dramatic. Prime dies in the first act, as do other favorite Autobots, Megatron has a disturbing identity crisis, Hot Rod goes through robot puberty, the noble Ultra Magnus realizes his limited potential, and everybody has to fight an evil planet-eating robot monster voiced by Orson Welles. (More points for Cullen’s voice here).
Winner: 1986
Comedy:
2007: Um, Bernie Mac is in it. He’s funny right? Like in most Bay flicks, most stabs at comedy here are all too obvious or awkward (Example: What’s the deal with Josh Duhamel getting the runaround by an unfriendly phone operator during an intense battle scene?). The scene where the Autobots try to hide from the Witwickys is good for a laugh, though. Labeouf is funny throughout too.
1986: Two words: Robot mustaches. Seriously, watch it again. Also, there are tons of laugh-out-loud scenes featuring the Dinobots, the funniest and dumbest robot dinosaurs ever. Oh yeah, there’s also robot sharks controlled by a floating brain with tentacles. Funny, no? Sure, but you laugh at it, not with it.
Winner: Tie
Music:
2007: Linkin Park. Disturbed. Goo Goo Dolls. No thanks.
1986: Stan Bush’s ‘The Touch.” There’s never been a better theme song for a young robot Pinto’s evolution from scrub to savior of the universe.
Winner: 1986. You can’t beat “The Touch.” Watch the following clip, and you’ll understand why:
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Total: Wow, it looks like 1986’s “Transformers: The Movie” comes out on top, besting the 2007 version with better music and drama. Send hate mail here.
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Photos courtesy Paramount and Sony Wonder Video
[...] Check it out here [...]
I have to agree with the outcome. Though Bernie Mack and Shia are no match for robot mustaches.
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